If someone you care about has a loved one in hospice care, your support can make all the difference. But if you’re like many people in the Tulsa area, this sort of situation isn’t one you inherently know how to handle.
So, how can you help your friend at this difficult time? What can you do that won’t be intrusive?
Bringing comfort to someone who is grieving isn’t easy, and it’s only natural to feel apprehensive about reaching out. With that being said, your friend needs your support now more than ever before. Here, the hospice care professionals at Suncrest of Tulsa share several strategies for showing how much you care.
What to Say to Support a Grieving Friend
Having a loved one enter hospice care can turn anyone’s world upside down. Your friend is likely going through a rollercoaster of emotions, and offering words of comfort can be a good way of showing your support. If you’re not sure what to say, think about what you would and wouldn’t want to hear if you were in their shoes. For inspiration, consider one of the following prompts:
- I’m so sorry to hear about your loved one. Saying this might seem like a bit of a cliché, but when you’re speaking from the heart and you genuinely care, your words will sound sincere.
- Tell me how you’re really doing. Your friend may need an outlet for the feelings that emerge when someone close enters hospice care, and being there to listen may offer some relief.
- I’m available to help with anything you need. Hospice care services don’t include around-the-clock care, and help with tasks like laundry, grocery shopping and cleaning is sure to be appreciated.
- I wish I had the right words to bring you comfort. This statement shows that you care about how your friend is feeling without making any assumptions in regards to their grief journey.
What NOT to Say to Someone Who is Grieving
Comforting your friend is the goal, and that being so, you’ll want to choose your words carefully. Sometimes, despite having the best intentions, people say things that aren’t as reassuring as they think — or, worse, they make a statement in reference to hospice care that is actually upsetting. You may already know what not to say to your grieving friend, but here are a few examples of comments to avoid:
- Everything is going to be OK. Saying this implies that the individual in hospice care will recover or that getting over their death will be easy.
- Your loved one is going to a better place. Not everyone believes in an afterlife, and for your friend, the best place for their loved one is right here.
- This must be God’s plan. Some people aren’t all that religious or don’t believe in God, and in any case, these words can sound self-righteous.
- I know exactly how you feel. You may have been through a similar experience with family in hospice care, but grief is different for everyone.
Sound Strategies for Supporting Your Friend
Whether sudden or expected, the transition to hospice care can be difficult for everyone involved. When visiting with your friend, aim to be compassionate in the way you communicate – and know that sometimes being present is enough for the loved one of a hospice patient. However, if you’d like to do more to help your friend, consider one of the following strategies:
Supply ready-to-eat meals.
Finding the time to cook can be challenging when caring for a hospice patient, and supplying homemade freezer meals or having food delivered can be a good way to show how much you care.
Provide self-care tools.
With a loved one in hospice care, your friend isn’t focused on their own needs. To brighten their day, send over a gift basket stocked with comfy socks, bath bombs, soothing lotion and a nice hardcover journal.
Offer to make phone calls.
Families of hospice patients are often inundated with calls from people who want updates, and repeating the same sad story over and over can be emotionally draining. If you keep everyone in the loop, your friend can avoid this experience.
Assist with out-of-town relatives.
Family members who don’t live in the Tulsa area may come out to visit the hospice patient. Their visits may be welcome, but your friend may appreciate you volunteering to help with hotel pickups and transportation.
Reach out on a regular basis.
Spending a great deal of time with a loved one in hospice care creates a massive shift in routine, and your friend may miss their social life. To keep them from feeling isolated and alone, phone or text often – and let them know it’s OK not to reply.
Do you have questions about hospice care? Or would you like more advice on how to help your grieving friend? The professional team at Suncrest Hospice of Tulsa would be happy to provide the information you need. We have extensive experience in the realm of hospice care, and with our advice, you can support your friend. To learn more, contact us today.
