Why I Became a Hospice Nurse
By Amber Sather – Suncrest Hospice Nurse
In June of 2014, just weeks after I graduated from nursing school, I received news that no thirty-something ever anticipates hearing. My 32-year old husband, Josh, had a rare form of cancer that would require an emergency, above-the-knee amputation in hopes of saving his life. The amputation was performed and everything went smoothly. That is, until May of 2015. We were devastated to discover the cancer was back, had metastasized to bone, organ, and spinal column and was terminal. We declined aggressive treatments as nothing would cure him and we felt chemotherapy would only intensify and prolong his suffering.
Josh passed February 6, 2016 under the care of hospice. Unfortunately, my hospice experience was less than desirable. Perhaps because I was an RN, or perhaps because I was a little too adept at wearing my “everything is just fine” armor, I felt hospice did very little in the way of providing us with information, nursing care or support. A nurse came every 2 weeks, did a paltry assessment, reordered medications and then left without ever explaining anything that was happening to my Josh. I did not ask questions, as I was in a constant state of stress and anxiety, and wrongly assumed they would simply tell me anything I needed to know. I was fortunate that one of my very best friends became an RN Case Manager with Suncrest Hospice just prior to my husband’s passing. She was the one who looked me in the eye and told me Josh was very likely in his last 24 hours of life. She is the one who comforted me and made painful phone calls to his sister and mother telling them to come quick if they wanted to say their goodbyes, as I could not speak through the unrelenting tears.
"As a nurse with the unwanted, yet unique experience of watching my beloved husband pass in such a manner, I was highly suited to help others going through a similar journey."
After Josh’s passing, I realized that, as an RN, I could do better. I wanted to do better; to provide excellent care for families and individuals struggling through the intensely emotional and painful landscape we call end of life. As a nurse with the unwanted, yet unique experience of watching my beloved husband pass in such a manner, I was highly suited to help others going through a similar journey. More importantly, I was highly suited to help those going through the dying process themselves. I desired to be a nurse that made hospice a beneficial service during those darkest days, and not a simple death sentence. I was fortunate to become a hospice nurse in April 2016.
While emotionally challenging at times, the sense of fulfillment that comes from helping those I can relate so intimately with has been a deeply gratifying experience. I more often than not know what to say, how to say it, and can deliver information with the grace and humility of someone who has walked the same agonizing path. I know the stress of impending death requires me to provide the same information over and over to even the most seemingly competent of individuals. I realize often times people don’t have any idea what they need, so I must anticipate and communicate those needs for them. My desire and ability to do all of this and more is why I made a life-changing decision. I chose to become a hospice nurse.
