When you have a loved one in hospice, grief may be an unwelcome part of every day. As difficult as it is for patients to face the end of life, it is also painful for their friends and family, who will eventually be forced to carry on without them. It is critical to develop good coping skills to help you manage during such challenging times. The team at Suncrest Home Health and Hospice of Chicago helps families suffering from grief and other painful emotions, providing the support, tools, and resources our patients and their families need.
Entering Hospice
The decision to enter hospice is not an easy one. The act of even looking into hospice care in Chicago for your loved one can prompt feelings of grief, fear, and other negative emotions.
In hospice, patients commit to giving up lifesaving drugs and procedures such as chemotherapy and dialysis. Essentially, entering hospice is a decision to stop fighting their disease or illness and accept their impending death with as much grace and dignity as possible. Once a patient transitions to hospice, their death can seem much closer and more inevitable than it did when they were receiving treatment.
For family and friends, the grieving process can start when a patient is diagnosed with a terminal condition, and it can last throughout their illness and long after their death.
Our social workers are here to help families struggling with sadness and grief. While there is no magic cure that can take away the pain quickly and easily, there are some tools that family members and friends can use to ease their distress and better cope with their loved one’s illness and death.
-
Keep up a routine.
Keeping to a routine is important during any difficult period in life. This was stressed often during the darkest parts of the COVID-19 pandemic when people were quarantined in their homes while the world was seemingly crumbling around them. Although millions tragically died in the pandemic, if you are reading this, you survived; and you will also survive the loss of your loved one.
Some days you will feel sad, and you may not want to do anything. You may want to skip work or stay in bed all day. While you don’t want to be too hard on yourself, staying in bed rarely makes anyone feel better. Make a list of some manageable tasks you can do each day, such as taking care of your pets or children, tending to your own personal care, and doing the bare minimum of housework, such as washing dishes and taking out the trash. When your mind is focused on completing a task, it has less opportunity to dwell on negative thoughts.
-
Eat nourishing foods.
Eating foods that are good for you will not lessen your grief, but it will help prevent it from getting worse. This is no time to go on a restrictive diet — we’re not suggesting that — but eating lots of junk food and takeout will make you feel more sluggish and drain you of the little energy you have left. Give yourself a break once or twice a week by getting meals out, but try to avoid foods that are overly fatty, salty, or sugary. If your friends offer to cook for you, take them up on it. Otherwise, prepare simple meals for yourself that are quick and easy to make, but also nourishing.
-
Take a walk.
Even a 15-minute walk is enormously helpful for your brain and your outlook. That’s why experts recommend starting every day with a brisk walk, even if you are not dealing with grief or other serious issues. Moving your body reduces stress, improves mood, and tamps down negative thoughts. If you can, try to walk more than once a day. If you have a dog to accompany you, the benefits are even greater, as it is shown that spending time with animals is also a good stress reducer.
-
Ask friends or family members for help.
While some of your loved ones may also be suffering from grief along with you, it is likely that you have at least some friends or family members who are in a position to help you. Often, these people don’t know what they can do or how to help, so we encourage you to not be shy about saying specifically what it is you need, especially if they offer their assistance.
A common way to support a loved one dealing with grief is to simply listen to them. You may ask a friend or relative to come over to chat, or you may prefer to go to their home or talk on the phone.
Other ways they can help you is by dropping off home-cooked meals, cleaning your house or apartment, offering to watch your kids or take care of pets, or taking care of other tasks that have become difficult for you.
-
See a therapist.
If you don’t already have a therapist, now is a good time to get one. A good way to find a therapist is by going through your insurance company. By logging into your account online, you can usually find a list of therapists near you who accept your type of insurance. As you go through the list, look for therapists who specialize in grief counseling. Having regular appointments with a licensed therapist who can give you advice and support specific to your situation is invaluable when coping with having a friend or relative in hospice.
While loss is the source of most feelings of grief, often other feelings are involved. A therapist can help you process your grief so that you can fully understand it and eventually move on. Certainly, you will miss having your loved one in your life, but you may also feel grief over some challenges you had in your relationship. Maybe you wished it had gone differently and are grieving the lost opportunity to make changes. This is completely normal and is a common part of the grieving process. Your therapist’s office is a safe place to talk about these types of fears and regrets.
-
Join a support group.
A support group can be a good alternative to seeing a therapist. Our social workers here at our Chicago hospice can give you some recommendations for grief support groups in the area that can help you cope while your loved one is on hospice and after they have passed. There are many helpful groups and centers for grief counseling here in Chicago.
-
See a doctor.
Most therapists are LICSWs, and as such cannot write prescriptions. Your therapist may recommend that you go to a doctor and ask for a prescription that can help you deal with your grief. The types of prescriptions that can be helpful with grief include, but not limited to, antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications, and sleeping pills.
Ask Our Hospice Social Workers for Recommendations
The social workers at Suncrest Home Health and Hospice of Chicago are an amazingly helpful and valuable resource for friends and family of hospice patients. We have books and articles that we can recommend for finding ways to cope with grief. We can sometimes even provide you with free literature on the topic to help you gain perspective and peace after the death of a loved one.
We can point you toward support groups that can be helpful resources for you, grief counseling centers, and therapists who specialize in coping with grief in and around the Chicago area.
There is no need to suffer alone, in silence. And while it is true that no one can bring back your loved one, they can help you learn to live a fulfilling and rewarding life after they pass. We know that it may seem impossible when grief is still new and raw, but we can assure you that grief is an almost universal emotion. With time, patience, and the right support system, you will be happy again.
For information and assistance with grief counseling, contact Suncrest Home Health and Hospice of Chicago.
